i was born a unicorn

I don't really know what I want to write. Just some words. I don't really know what I feel at the moment. I've lost myself before but right now everything feels peaceful but I've forgotten something important. It's hard to find more words. I will try to let my fingers go where they want to on the keyboard and see whether they shed any light. I am drinking a beer it is a big bottle and it is chilled. I am listening to a song by antony and the johnsons, that last fm has chosen for me. I keep finding myself with my hands in my lap when they should be on the keyboard. How can the mysteries discover themselves if I won't comply. It is sigur ros now. The sun in setting over Monmatre- the buildings opposite my balcony are reflecting the day light but it is fading. It is bank holiday. I went to a 'vide-greniers' (attic sale) in Montreuil a little village in the east of Paris spread of over 10 roads, it was called 'le vide-greniers de la revolution' because the main road is called 'rue de la revolution'. People feeling sunny and the people who live in this little haven seeming pleased they do. I went separate ways with my boyfriend as we left the metro, we seem to have arguments that appear out of nowhere and leave me feeling cheated of my happiness. I don't like to argue but apparently I provoke it with my clumsy french far too often. I often leave him hoping to find some big answer in my private reflections but i get no clarity, all I know is that I hate this part of our relationship, I know I shouldn't let him talk to me like he does sometimes, but aside from that, I love our relationship, him, our space together. Loving something that is sometimes bad makes me feel blind but denying it is pointless- I love him. Is there any point where that isn't enough a reason to be with someone? How do you leave someone you love just because you think perhaps you should?

Now, it is sonic youth. The light has faded a little, as if the sun is calling it home. Hands once again found, looking guilty, not on the keyboard. Obviously they are back now as they are typing these words. I think this blog is just for me. I don't to write about practical things, but so much thought is needed to establish a life, even a little one. How to earn enough money to pay for this months rent? Trying to work full time but stuck in a job where if the hours are low I can't do anything else with my day. Travelling around on the metro visiting people in their offices of whatever they do, talking to them in english and concentrating on them. It's not bad but I need to pay this months rent and I think I have 2 weeks maximum to not send my cheque on time to work out how to have the money in my bank. I'm optimistic. Perhaps un peu trop. Beer. James Lekman is singing some folk and some words. Noteably: the funky chicken. Now there are beats, this is The Unicorns with their hit track 'i was born a unicorn'.

The elections are in full swing. It is entertaining. 'We're the unicorns and we're people too'. I think I'm going to count my chickens and leave it there. Feel like I want to say thanks.